Here’s a Top 10 List of Things You Should Twitter About in No Particular Order of Importance or Ranking.
Everyone knows that Twitter is rather annoying. Especially when the bulk of the people you are following Twitter about inane subjects like The Oatmeal guy so brilliantly pointed out. So, to counter that I’m going to try to help out with a list of subjects that can’t miss.
1. Pickles – Making pickles, eating pickles, how and what you plan to pickle next season. These are all worthy Twitter topics. Pickles are great to make and eat. I cannot think of any downsides to growing or making or storing or eating pickles. So, Twitter away. Twitter recipes. Twitter canning tips.
Twitter gardening tips. Twitter about pickles and be proud. Bonus for Twitpics of your pickles.
2. Skate Spots – Sure, you want to keep your rad skate spots to your little “core-er than thou†shredder clique, but, go ahead and Twitter about them, regardless. Not that many people are paying attention anyway, but those who are will probably be grateful.
3. Beer – Everyone likes beer. Well, everyone except for terrorists, commies and Christians. If you find an awesome beer, Twitter away! Someone else will probably enjoy it as well.
4. Gardening – Growing stuff to eat is a great pastime. Food is good. Growing your own food is one of the best things you can do. It is healthy. It gives bugs and birds something to eat. It provides a great place for your cat to hunt insects and mice. It makes your salads, stir fries and soups amazing. Twittering about it is never boring. Twitter your gardening tips and pics of your garden. It will be appreciated. Bonuses for backyard chicken coops and bee hives.
5. Rare Sites – Example being if you see a suburban woman driving an SUV and she DOSEN’T have a mobile phone jammed against her empty head or is not texting while driving, Twitter about it because that is a very rare occasion, indeed.
6. Crying Babies on Planes – They are annoying as hell and their oblivious and selfish parents deserve your scorn on the Twitter.
7. Ice Fishing – Sitting on frozen water while fishing through a small hole that you dug with an auger is one of the coolest activities one can engage in on frozen water (the others being hockey and curling). Twitter about it endlessly. Show pictures of your catch. Post recipes for smoked trout. Just do it.
8. Movement Politics – Twitter about local political activities that make politicians uncomfortable, whether wingnut or progressive. Every bought and paid for criminal in politics should feel uncomfortable.
9. Local Products and Services That Work – Fuck products made in China, and services provided by some mega-corporation. If you find something local that is good – whether it be a punk rock band, a bar, food, a prostitute with a heart of gold, pickles, or just about anything – let people know.
10. Weather – Old guys like me like to sit around and talk about the weather. Why not Twitter the weather information? Ahhh, technology – it should give us more time to drink whisky and be surly.
(Bonus) TERRA!!!11! – Every time you see a brown person buying underwear, or see someone who doesn’t look like you, or you feel scared or intimidated in any way, TWITTER IT!!!!! We are a frightened nation! Let people know! Or just read Fox News Twitters, it is all the same.